Cell phone, Schmelphone. I'm done!

The topic of cell phones seems to keep appearing in my life this week, so here are a few thoughts.

First of all, I don't seem to get cell phone coverage in my new home in Manzanita, Oregon. If I go out onto my front porch and it's not raining, I can lean my body over the railing at a minimum of 45 degrees and get one bar (well, two bars if you count the one that sticks into my midsection because I'm leaning over the railing). This results in only about 50% of my calls getting dropped and the listener to catch about 40% of what I am saying. It also prompts funny looks from my neighbors, none of whom have been over with the much-anticipated "welcome to the neighborhood" banana bread. Hmmmm...

Calls to Verizon result in my being told that they will look into it and a reminder that "cell phone service is not guaranteed inside the house--that's why it's called mobile service" (No kidding--exact quote). Well, in their defense, you never see the "Can you hear me now? guy" asking that question inside someone's home--he's always traipsing about the country. But where the heck are all those people who follow him around--the ones who supposed to have my back? Doesn't even one of them want to call me in my house?

So in frustration, I turned off my cell phone, figuring I'd deal with the problem when I had time. Yesterday, I realized that I'd gone a week without even thinking about it. I turned it on. 10 messages--all from telemarketers. Nothing, by the way, from Verizon, who promised me over a week ago that they'd test the area for service and get back to me "within 2 hours to 5 days" with the results.

This week, actor Hugh Jackman stopped in the middle of his performance of A Steady Rain on Broadway to admonish an audience member whose cell phone was ringing. "You want to get that?" he quipped in character as the accused no doubt, slunk into his seat in mortification.

Wow! I wish I had that kind of power! But that's not the point. The debate over the conscientious use of cell phones has gotten out of hand. Now states are looking at laws making it illegal to text while driving. Uhhhh....ya think?  People yammer on cell phones on buses, the minute the plane lands, in public libraries, coffee shops when their table is 4 inches from mine, while driving, during sex (not that i know from firsthand experience but I can only imagine that nothing is sacred). And speaking of sacred, do people use their cell phones in church? Could it be possible that places of religious worship are the last bastion where these ubiquitous electronic devices are not permitted? Of course, you could try, but if Hugh Jackman can cause such a fuss, don't be surprised if the hand of God doesn't extend from above and hit your off button permanently.

I read a survey stating that 52% of people think it's acceptable to use a cellphone in a public place if it's a time-sensitive situation and one talks quietly. I agree. I also think I must interact exclusively with the other 48% of the population, who apparently eschew the notion of time-sensitivity and indoor voices.

This once again proves the dichotomy between common courtesy and common sense. People may state it's common courtesy to use one's cell phone judiciously, but in reality, people's lack of common sense permits them to assess nearly every conversation as time sensitive and their tone of voice as being well modulated at all times. Trust me, they aren't and it isn't.

So it appears that even I, the queen of Common Sense Courtesy, can't make a dent in people's inappropriate cell phone chatter. I don't have a big enough platform--although I am writing Hugh Jackman a personal fan letter TODAY. However, in a flaunt in it in your face attitude, I've decided to give up my cell phone for good. If I didn't need it for a week, I don't need it forever. To be honest, I do see the need for a cell phone occasionally. If I'm officiating a wedding, I'd need one in case of emergency en route; if my husband is running late, I'd like a call so I don't worry. If I'm in the aisle of Safeway wondering if we need eggs, I want to be able to call home and see if we have any. Note however, that I will not continue this call with a blow by blow description of the hot guy working at the bakery counter or a rant about the price of deli meat.

So Jeremy and I will share a phone (Jeremy being my husband and not the guy behind the bakery counter who truth be told looks too young for me anyway and probably spends all his time texting frosting recipes). And get this--we're even going to reduce our monthly minutes to the bare bones I've-got-an-emergency level. Whah-ha-ha...I'm giddy with the mutinous nature of the whole thing!

I refuse to embrace rudeness even if society accepts it as status quo. Now some would call me a stick in the mud, out of date, obstinate, a fossil, even a killjoy.

But that would be rude!