Am I Missing Something?

When took upon myself the mission to abolish nonsensical discourtesy from the face of the earth, I thought I fully understood that commons sense is indeed not so common. I expected that I would be calm and understanding when presented with various lacks of courtesy. I envisioned myself as a martyr for the cause, generating courtesy miracles as I went about my work. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," I would murmur as I graciously proclaimed my wisdom to the masses.

But upon deeper reflection, I have to admit that I was foolishly expecting a minimal standard of common sense from the majority of my fellow human beings. This is folly. Rubbish. Poppycock. Let's face it--some people are just pigs. And while you may feel that last statement was somewhat discourteous indeed, I think you will change your tune when you hear my tale.

When I am out on my A.M. meditative perambulation, I encounter many like-minded souls who are enjoying the early morning air--walking their dogs, stretching their legs, jogging, bicycling, roller blading, etc. Whether or not we acknowledge each other's acquaintance, as we pass, I enjoy the camaraderie of like-minded individuals with whom I comingle on a daily basis.

Today, about 30 minutes into my pleasant summer morning walk, I encountered a bicyclist coming toward me. As he approached, he smiled broadly at me and I returned the favor by offering him a view of my own pearly whites. A millisecond later however, my favor turned to displeasure (well, it was more like a gross-out than mere displeasure) when my delicate ears were assailed by the sound of a deep rumbling in his throat, followed by a sharp intake of breath which indicated only one outcome. Sure enough, he hacked up a loogie of epic proportions and proceeded to expel it onto the sidewalk approximately 10 feet from where I stood, the smile quickly disappearing from my face.

The offensive bicyclist proceeded to pedal along his merry way, oblivious to the tumult he had just instilled in my stomach.

Now, one would think that it would not be necessary to educate people on the discourtesy of spitting in public, but apparently one would be grossly mistaken to embrace this point of view. My father, bless his soul, was one of the most fastidious people I ever met. A dapper dresser, tall and handsome even into his 70's, he prided himself on being courteous to others.

However, everyone has their foibles and my father was no exception. A devout Catholic, Dad never missed a Sunday mass. He had, however, one peculiar (and gross) habit. After parking the car, as he was walking toward the church stairs, he'd pause to blow his nose (ever mindful of being disruptive to the service with his honking). Then, after neatly folding his handkerchief, and oblivious to his fellow parishioners entering the church, he would snort and immediately spew a load of phlegm onto the curb. Then he'd piously climb the church steps with nary a thought to the sputum he'd left behind.

This behavior was so engrained in my mind, that as I child, I think I simply accepted it as part of his Sunday morning Catholic ritual. (Catholics being big on rules and ritual and all that.) You know, no eating three hours before communion, don't let the host touch your teeth, genuflect before taking your seat, hurl a loogie before entering the house of God and so on. Even if I had thought to question the appropriateness of this behavior, I wouldn't have had the courage to mention it anyway as Dad was also from the school of children should be seen and not heard. And heaven forbid if you were "heard" during church. The consequences were unthinkable.

So it seems that even among the most particular of people, lapses in common sense courtesy can occur.

And in one last ditch attempt on the part of the Universe to get me to elucidate on the perils of public spittage, as I headed home on my walk this morning, beginning to recover from my disgust at the errant bicyclist, I encountered a snuggling couple perched on a low wall abutting the sidewalk. As I walked toward them, they parted from their embrace, at which point the gal turned her head away from her beloved (how gracious!) and with a sharp intake of nasally, throaty breath that could be heard six blocks away, brought up an impressive mucus projectile that she expertly spat through her front teeth and onto the pavement below.

And her companion? As I once again fought valiantly to hang on to my breakfast, he looked at her with adoration and gleefully proclaimed with admiration, "Wow...that was NASTY!!! Good one!"

Did I miss a memo? Since when did public spitting become not only tolerated, but encouraged?

Thank goodness I am here to set the truth in stone. Clearly the world needs me more than I thought.

There is only one rule for spitting, so here it is. Do it in private or don't do it at all. And by "private" I mean not in a public place--even if there is no one else around.

And if my plea doesn’t sway the spitters out there, then consider the health hazards of public spitting. And if that doesn't sway you, then you might find it interesting to note that your city or town might very well have an ordinance against public expectoration. Consider the following....is this from your home town? Hmmmm....maybe you should assume it is!

1733.01 SPITTING IN PUBLIC PLACES PROHIBITED.

No person shall spit upon the sidewalk of any street, alley or other public place, or

upon the floor, walls or seats of any room, hall, office or other part of any tenement, hotel or

lodging place, which is used in common by the guests or inmates thereof, or upon the floor,

walls or other part of any store, theater or other building or room which is used in common by

the public.

(1969 Code Sec. 833.01)

1733.02 SPITTING IN PUBLIC CONVEYANCES PROHIBITED.

No person shall spit upon the floor, seats, walls or other part of any public

conveyance.

(1969 Code Sec. 833.02)