To Me or Not to Me

My mission of promulgating Common Sense Courtesy throughout the universe has, of course, two parts. 1. common sense and 2. courtesy--both of which I personally find sorely lacking in the world at present. It stands to reason that sometimes my essays will focus on one of the aforementioned attributes over the other. Such is the case with today's topic.

You should know, dear reader, that I do not choose the topics on which I evangelize. Rather, they find me. It's as if the Universe has commanded my purpose during my time on earth and then goes out of its way to put circumstances in my path which I am impelled to use in my teachings. Such is also the case with today's topic.

For I seem to have, of late, experienced more than my fair share of pedestrians and bicyclists walking directly in front of my car while it is moving. I began to wonder if my city didn't have a time period devoted to such a pursuit--similar to "Ride Your Bike to Work Day" only titled "Walk in Front of a Moving Vehicle Month" or perhaps a "Defy Death in Denver Day". But after some research, I determined this was not the case. Therefore, my only logical conclusion is that it is a subject upon which I have been called to educate the masses.

Now while walking in front of moving vehicles falls more aptly into the "lack of common sense" category, one could also argue--in the big picture sense--that it is also lack of courtesy to the extreme. Imagine the angst of the person who hits you, perhaps even kills you. If you take your own life so lightly, that is your right, but it would be case of extreme rudeness to condemn an innocent motor vehicle operator to years of flashbacks and night terrors due to your thoughtlessness. Very rude, indeedy!

I can only assume that the meism in our society has reached such epic proportions that those who ascribe to its philosophy feel that they are invincible. In fact, "meism" (a description I thought I'd quasi-invented) turns out to be a bona fide word, defined by the Urban Dictionary as "Self-importance without any evidence that we (or our world view) actually matter."

Hmmm...I'm pretty sure that the young man of a definite Generation Y species (a.k.a. "the punk") that arrogantly sauntered (he would have swaggered, but given that the waistband of his pants was somewhere south of his buttocks cheeks, he had to settle for sauntering) directly in front of our moving car one night last week, ascribes to the philosophy of meism. I'm not sure, though. Do you think it's a meist doctrine to stop in the middle of a busy street after nearly getting mowed down by an SUV and then chuck the bird at the now-unnerved driver? Because if it is, in the name of religious freedom, we will not accuse this young man of breaching Common Sense Courtesy. He can take his principles with him...right to his early grave.

And so I have but two Common Sense Courtesy rules to impart on this topic, but they are sound ones. Listen closely, for they may have a familiar ring, hearkening back to what your mother taught you as a six year old.

1. Look both ways before crossing the street.
2. Don't play in traffic.

Probably one of the easiset Common Sense Courtesy Principles to keep!

Cubicle-Dwellers Etiquette

My friend and colleague, Dixie Darr, let me know that this is National Business Etiquette Week. Since I'd never heard of this week long extravaganza 'o fun for corporate America, I decided to do some research.

Turns out it's a real snoozer. It's only been around since 2006 and it's sponsored by some place calling itself The Protocol School of Washington. It seems to focus heavily on teaching American workers how to interact appropriately with clients from other cultures. What kinds of classes do you suppose make up their curriculum? Handshaking 101? The art of eating with chopsticks? How to Dine like a Diplomat? Don't laugh! They actually have a pamphlet with this title! Or how about, "How to Step Foot in a Foreign Country without Putting your Foot in your Mouth"?

We're more about day to day courtesy than we about about international etiquette, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to educate (or perhaps gently remind) my readers about everyday office courtesy. In particular, I'm going to concentrate on common sense courtesy for the everyday cubicle-dweller.

Now, if you are forced to spend eight or nine hours a day surrounded by three-quarter beige walls made of compressed cardboard and string, then you have our deepest sympathies. However, you will do the Universe and your fellow pod-dwellers a world of good if you simply follow some common sense rules of courtesy. And if you already follow these, then you have my blessing to anonymously (but courteously!) circulate them from cubicle to cubicle.

So, in no particular order, here are some common sense rules to make your daily communal workspace more palatable.

1. If you remember nothing else of this list, let it be these two words. Smell travels. Therefore, don't wear copious amounts of perfume/aftershave to the office, spray your hairspray at your desk, or use one of those obnoxious Glade plug-in scents. And on the days that you do eat at you desk, omit the smothered burrito complete with onions, jalapenos and refried beans. If you must dine on such cuisine (we'll discuss common sense courtesies for your stomach in another post), then head to the staff lunchroom or better yet, dine al fresco.

2. As smell travels, so does sound. When you're on the phone, speak in a well-modulated tone sufficiently loud enough for the person on the other end to hear, but not at a decibel that will be heard by your coworker 10 cubbies over (and will deafen the ears of the poor guy unfortunate enough to toil in the cubicle adjacent to yours.)

3. Lose the radio tunes. Or use a pair of high quality headphones if you must jive to the beat while you're working. Imagine the cacophony if everyone played their own separate tune aloud? It gives, marching to the beat of a different drummer an entirely different meaning! Can you even picture your rap tunes competing with Ruth's jazz, Rich's country western and Mary's classical tastes? Throw in Sue's affinity for Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree and, as my mother used to say, "someone's is going to end up crying!"

4. Just because your fellow worker bees have no doors, does not mean they have an open-door policy. Simply standing up and yelling "Yo" over the maze is not the appropriate (or courteous) way to have a worker-to-worker interface. Get up off your butt (it's good exercise...maybe the only chance you have to move all day) and walk over to the person's doorway. Knock before entering. Well, as best as you can knock on compressed string.

5. It's bad enough that you all have to be privy to each other's work phone conversations, so leave your lengthy personal phone conversations for your break. Also, the common concept of "work" is that you're actually doing some. A quick "Hi Honey, I'm leaving the office. Anything you want me to pick up?" is fine, but a 30 minute tirade with your husband about his boorish behavior at last night's party is TMI! it also will do nothing to enhance your chance for promotion (a.k.a. your one-way ticket out of Cubbyville!).

Communal activities are always tricky, be they living, working, or your annual family reunion. Throw in the fact that many of your co-workers (perhaps even you) may be less than thrilled about their current job situation, and working daily in an open space 6' square cubby with numerous others could become a most volatile situation. Remembering that your actions affect the others in your workplace will go a long way in making life bearable.

And if not, you could always change jobs. Who knows? Maybe you'll become a corporate world traveler and an expert on the art of the business lunch in Botswana!

Have Common Sense Courtesies Gone to the Dogs?

I live in Colorado and people here love their dogs. I wouldn't go so far as to say they are obsessed with their canines, but on my daily walks, I see my share of dogs out walking their people, and believe you me, these are some pampered pooches! Off leash parks abound and many businesses bear signs proclaiming them as dog-friendly. I admit, I have some issue with the dog-friendly businesses--at least some of them. Let's face it, not all dogs are well-behaved enough to bring into a retail or restaurant establishment and oftentimes owners who love their dogs are immune to their shortcomings, often notably in the hygiene department. And I've made the mistake in staying at dog-friendly hotels, only to be "serenaded" all night by raucous barking every time a door banged, the elevator opened or someone breathed (translated: barking all night).

So I guess I'm fine with well-behaved pups accompanying their owners to pet shops, on public transportation (assuming they aren't prone to motion sickness) some types of retail establishments and recreational stores (A dog at REI just seems to belong there, don't you agree?). But I draw the line at sipping my chai tea while the border collie at the next table gobbles a biscotti.

Now before you go and accuse me of being a dog-hater, let me assure you that I am not. I wept with relief when Lassie pulled Timmy out of the well, laugh out loud to the antics of Eddie on Frasier and applaud programs such as Guide Dogs for the Blind and the Humane Society. I also like spaghetti and meatballs, a good novel, George Clooney and Mickey Mouse but that doesn't mean I want them to hump my leg when I least expect it (okay, I'd make an exception for George, as long as we weren't in public).

So, because some dog owners are over-the-top in love with their pets (so much so that they sometimes check both their common sense and their courtesy at the door), let us put forth some common sense courtesies for the pet owner.

1. I'm willing to bet that your city or town has a leash law. Honor it. I can't tell you how many times I've been out for my morning walk, enjoying the birds and flowers as I anticipate a new day only to be accosted by a large barking beast (or a small yapping one). The scenario goes something like this, I outwardly cringe, dodge or cower from the animal, whereby the owner saunters over and haughtily exclaims, "Oh, Killer won't hurt you; he just wants to play." At this point, I'm tempted to bellow, "Maybe so, but I have no way of knowing that as I'm confronting 90 pounds of teeth, drool and fur!" Besides, I'm out on my morning walking meditation; did it not occur to you that perhaps I don't want to "play" at this time?

And speaking of leash laws, the intent is that a human is tethered to the opposite end of the leash. A dog with a leash trailing while the owner hovers nearby "just in case" is equivalent to an unleashed dog.

2. Four words. Pick Up the Poop. Nuff said.

3. Regarding doggie courtesy in your home. When someone comes to your door and you graciously offer to let them in, Fido (does anyone actually name their dog Fido anymore?) needs to be restrained or removed if he's not 100% trained to accept newcomers equally as graciously. As polite as your guest is being on the surface, trust me--he or she does not enjoy being licked, pawed or being given the sniff of approval before being deemed an acceptable guest.

4. On being neighborly. If you leave your dog alone in the yard all day while you are at work, he will bark. And bark. And bark. Your dog is lonely and driving your neighbors nuts. Why do you have a dog if you are leaving him alone for hours on end? If you must be gone for hours, love your pooch enough to put him in Doggie daycare, or have someone come over a few times a day to play, walk, toss the ball, etc. Otherwise, you will be the main topic of the neighborhood association monthly meeting. Your neighbors will plot your demise. They will be justified.

5. If you do opt to bring your pooch into pet-friendly businesses, remember that pet-friendly does not equal pet-exclusive. Humans--who, after all, are the ones with the money to spend--must also share the space. Your dogs should be kept by your side unless invited for a pleasant pat by your fellow patrons.

6. People who don't love your dog as much as you do should not be ridiculed. This of course assumes that the people in question are observing their own Common Sense Courtesies rules in dealing with animals. (Translated: anyone who harms an animal should be given as good as they get.) However, if someone politely indicates that they'd rather enjoy Rover from a distance, you must respect their request if you are to remain a member in good standing of the Common Sense Courtesies Club.

7. Shell out a few bucks for obedience training. This will not be a blow to your dog's self-esteem. They are not your equal--you're supposed to be the one in charge--and life for everyone concerned (including the dog) will be easier if they are taught to obey simple commands.

8. Do not bring your dog to your workplace unless your coworkers are okay with it. And if you dog is a regular at your place of employment, then don't expect him to be eligible for paid sick leave, doggie health insurance or workmen's comp. That is plain presumptuous. (Drug-sniffing dogs excluded.)

9. If you want to use your beloved pup's picture as your screensaver, wallpaper or plaster photos of Lucky the boxer all over your cubicle, that is your business. However, do not spent hours regaling your coworkers of the dog's daily antics. This will get you appropriately labeled as a bore. And besides, get a life!

10. If you're the owner of a dog who attempts to hump everything in sight (the table leg, his leash, your grandmother) then do everyone a favor and get him fixed.

And here's a Common Sense Courtesies tip for those of you who might not be dog-lovers, but live or work among those who are. When the sad day comes and the dog passes away, or needs to be put down, please be empathetic--even if you simply don't understand the loss. For those who have lost their pets, the grief is real and deep. Be kind and offer your sympathy.