The Triumph of Common Sense and Courtesy

When I wrote my blog post earlier today about the abhorrent rudeness of Congressman Joe Wilson, I must admit to feeling quite despondent over the state of discourtesy rampant in our country. A few hours and a bit of Internet surfing later, however, and my faith in humanity has been restored--if not my faith in politicians.

Enter Carolyn Savage, my new hero. It seems that back in February, 40 year old Savage of Toledo, Ohio went to a fertility clinic, where she was erroneously implanted with another couple's embryo. Lo and behold, the pregnancy took hold. Lo and behold, it was discovered that the child growing in her womb was not her biological baby. The fetus was the biological offspring of Paul and Shannon Morrell of Detroit, Michigan.

So what did Savage do? More important, what did she not do? She did not throw a public hissy fit replete with media bleeps as Serena Williams exhibited this week; she did not scream "You lie!" to the Morrells, nor did she even consider terminating the pregnancy. Instead, she carried the baby boy to term, gave birth, and after a heart wrenching "hello and goodbye" moment, handed the child over to his biological parents.

Presumably, Savage was at the fertility clinic in the first place because she had problems conceiving.  Imagine her anguish when she finally did so, only to be told that the baby was not hers.

Courtesy is defined as a "considerate act or expression". Yeah, I think this qualifies. Big time.

With people like Carolyn Savage around, the Joe Wilsons of this world don't stand a chance!

No Common Courtesy in our Hallowed Halls

There's no polite way to say this; Congressman Joe Wilson personifies all that is lacking in manners in America.

How much rudeness are were going to tolerate (not to mention dish out) as a society? Black/White, Democrat/Republican - it doesn't matter. Joe Wilson was simply downright rude, and he choose to be so in full view of the American public.

Democrats and a smattering of Republicans officially reprimanded Joe Wilson last week. Maureen Dowd of the New York Times called the reprimand a "rare triumph of civility". Unfortunately, the triumph of good manners was paralleled by the brutish boneheads who have now gathered in support of Wilson. Dowd writes:

He was regarded as a hero at the anti-Obama rally in Washington last weekend that featured such classy placards as, with a picture of a lion, “The Zoo has an African and the White House has a Lyin' African;” “Bury Obamacare with Kennedy;” “We came unarmed (this time)” and “‘Cap’ Congress and ‘Trade’ Obama back to Kenya!” 

A camera also caught Wilson in Washington signing for a fan a picture of himself confronting the president, and he has raised $2 million in the last week. 

I think I can safely state that the erosion of common sense courtesy in this country is officially an epidemic.  And it's a malady that festers quite quickly, morphing into dissension, hate, and violence. Why do people of civility tolerate this? I don't get it.

Our Constitution gives us the right to speak our mind, yet I wonder what our founding fathers would say if they witnessed how the concept of free speech has been bastardized by their 21st century successors. And how incongruous the consequences! Rather than being ostracized, Joe Wilson is being regarded "as a hero" by many of his constituents.

What is wrong with you people?

Goethe stated that  "a man's manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait."

Congressman Wilson, be honest (and theoretically, given your "you lie!" outburst last week, this should be second nature for you). Just for a moment, when you are in absolute solitude, strip away the political game-playing, the bipartisanship, the false bravado and the affected posturing that you feel you must assume in order to keep your fragile ego intact. When you allow yourself, in that rare moment of true sincerity and vulnerability, to look at your reflection with utter candor at who you are, do you like what you see in your mirror?

On Being a Good Customer

You've all heard it.

• Customer satisfaction is our #1 priority
• No one beats our Customer Service...NOBODY
• The customer is always right.

While it's true that every business--regardless of its size--needs to make customer satisfaction its priority, that does not give those those of us who are on the receiving end of service (and that would be pretty much everyone on the planet) carte blanche to forget the basic concepts of Common Sense Courtesy.

In my other life--when I am not traveling the world expounding on the paramountcy of the principles of Common Sense Courtesy, I am the owner of Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants. Now, anyone in the wedding business who stays in it for long discovers that they must pay particular attention to delivering supreme customer service. After all, the wedding day generally ranks up there with the top five happiest days of a woman's life (along with the day her child is born, the day she actually weighs what her driver's license states she weighs, the first day her soon-to-be husband takes out the garbage without being nagged and the day this same hubby-to-be joins a religious cult that prohibits channel-surfing.)

However, at some point, there comes a time where even service providers with the highest standards of customer service must draw the line. Case in point (and I swear I'm not embellishing any of the details for the sake of a good tale):

A bride contacted us in October seeking our top of the line ceremony--the Premium Custom, priced at $619. She is planning a small, but high-end wedding at one of San Francisco's most prestigious hotels. We spend some time on the phone discussing her needs. A complimentary meeting is set up with one of our officiants. The hour-long meeting is held, the bride loves our officiant and is set to book, but there is a problem with the hotel. She might need to change the location. (We later found out that a contract had never been signed with the hotel). She asks us to contact her in several weeks.

Four weeks later, we make the call. Her phone number has been disconnected. We send an email, to which she responds a week later--sans apology for the inconvenience of having to track her down-- with her new phone number. She indicates that the date of her wedding has changed. Can we still accommodate her? Calendars are checked. Yes, we can help. We issued a contract.

Two days later, we hear from the bride. Oops, she forgot to tell us--she no longer needs our Premium ceremony; she now wants a romantic elopement just for the two of them. Our potential of booking of a $619 premium ceremony shrinks to a $199 elopement. We shrug and smile--that's how it goes and it is, after all, her day. It should be however she wants it. We reissue the contract. The elopement ceremony, however, is not supposed to include an in-person meeting with the officiant--which this gal has already had. Oh well, that's business. We eat the cost.

Several more weeks goes by. We don't see a signed copy of the contract returned to us. We email her a reminder to return the contract. She emails back. She has changed her location. Can we accommodate her? We sigh (out of earshot from the bride because, after all, we want to provide topnotch customer service and sighing and eye-rolling--even when warranted--do not fall under the category of Common Sense Courtesy) and reissue the contract for the new location.

More time passes. We get a call. Bride now wants to add guests to her intimate elopement. Can we do that? She is happy to pay for the additional guests. We upgrade her to an Elopement with Guests, invoice her again and (you guessed it) reissue the contract.

More time passes. She calls again. Some family members can't make it on the date established. She'd like to be wed the week before. Is this possible? "But of course," I smile graciously, wondering why I am cursed buy the gods. After screaming into a pillow for several minutes, I reissue the contract.

This week, she emailed us. She found out that her popular outdoor location requires a permit!!! The nerve! She is not paying to stand in a public park for 15 minutes and exchange vows. What can we offer her for free? I explain that while we can often suggest locations, that we are ceremony experts, not location experts. The sites of which I am aware that have a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, upon which she insists, will not accommodate 25 guests without a permit. California is broke, I gently explain--if they can charge money for something, they will.

I tell bride she needs to research locations on her own and that for every change she makes to her wedding day going forward, there will be a $25.00 administrative fee. I hate doing this; this is not how I do business, but so far, I estimate this wedding has cost us approximately $168.72 in administrative overhead and I haven't even paid my staff yet for performing the wedding.

There is no way around it, people--this woman is rude! She attempts to hide this rudeness behind a veneer of ignorance ("I didn't know I needed a permit..") outrage ("I can't believe that they actually charge for that!") and adolescent giddiness ("Oh, sorry...you must be getting so sick of my flightiness...tee-hee." Duh...ya think?). But the bottom line is that she is exhibiting neither common sense (doubtful if God endowed her with any) nor courtesy (which thankfully can be learned, and which is where I come in.)

So, some Common Sense Courtesy rules for being a welcome customer:

• Be aware of the role of the business person. They are working very hard to give you a good service at a fair price. Expect them to share their skills and knowledge with you, but do not expect that they can go outside of their realm of expertise to assist you. In other words, don't ask the man who comes to install your cable to unclog your toilet.
• Hold up your end of the bargain. If the business needs something from you, provide it in a timely manner. Your house painter can't start his job if you haven't told him the color of the paint you want.
• Respect the time of the business person. You are not their only client. If you are 20 minutes late for your hair stylist, don't be surprised if they have to rush through your haircut, or refuse to accept you at all. Being late isn't fair to the next customer or to the service provider.
• Pay your invoices when they are due. If you can't, then don't make the business chase you. Call and set up a payment plan.
• Don't play Let's Make a Deal. Trying to negotiate a lower price is fine for some services and you never know until you ask, but be reasonable. Do not approach a vendor who offers a service priced at $600 and insist that they offer it to you for $250. Better to ask, "Do you offer any discounts?" or "Is that your best price?" than insulting the business by offering a ridiculously low-ball offer.
• Always speak politely and respectfully. If you're not given satisfaction, ask to speak to someone in authority, but always politely and respectfully.
• If you must change your order, do not approach the business with a sense of entitlement. They will most likely work with you, but remember that changing an order requires time invested on their end. You may need to pay a token amount for this. In fact, it might be nice to offer this. Chances are, the vendor will appreciate your offer and go out of his or her way to accommodate you, even if they tell you the additional fee is not necessary.
• And speaking of appreciation, how about showing some? A simple "thank you" when the waiter fills your water glass, the cashier hands you your change with a smile, or the grocery bagger carefully places your eggs on top of the cart piled with bags is a basic common courtesy. And if you want to do even more, consider sending a thank you note for services rendered. When my staff receives written thank yous, emails of appreciation or positive online reviews of their services, they are ecstatic. Your words are appreciated more than you know. Even more so your financial gratuity, if that's appropriate.
  

Exhibiting Common Sense Courtesy in your role as a customer will go a long way in insuring that you receive the superlative customer service to which a highly enlighten being like yourself is entitled.

Business owners and service providers, feel free to add your own Rules for being a Good Customer in the comment section.

To Me or Not to Me

My mission of promulgating Common Sense Courtesy throughout the universe has, of course, two parts. 1. common sense and 2. courtesy--both of which I personally find sorely lacking in the world at present. It stands to reason that sometimes my essays will focus on one of the aforementioned attributes over the other. Such is the case with today's topic.

You should know, dear reader, that I do not choose the topics on which I evangelize. Rather, they find me. It's as if the Universe has commanded my purpose during my time on earth and then goes out of its way to put circumstances in my path which I am impelled to use in my teachings. Such is also the case with today's topic.

For I seem to have, of late, experienced more than my fair share of pedestrians and bicyclists walking directly in front of my car while it is moving. I began to wonder if my city didn't have a time period devoted to such a pursuit--similar to "Ride Your Bike to Work Day" only titled "Walk in Front of a Moving Vehicle Month" or perhaps a "Defy Death in Denver Day". But after some research, I determined this was not the case. Therefore, my only logical conclusion is that it is a subject upon which I have been called to educate the masses.

Now while walking in front of moving vehicles falls more aptly into the "lack of common sense" category, one could also argue--in the big picture sense--that it is also lack of courtesy to the extreme. Imagine the angst of the person who hits you, perhaps even kills you. If you take your own life so lightly, that is your right, but it would be case of extreme rudeness to condemn an innocent motor vehicle operator to years of flashbacks and night terrors due to your thoughtlessness. Very rude, indeedy!

I can only assume that the meism in our society has reached such epic proportions that those who ascribe to its philosophy feel that they are invincible. In fact, "meism" (a description I thought I'd quasi-invented) turns out to be a bona fide word, defined by the Urban Dictionary as "Self-importance without any evidence that we (or our world view) actually matter."

Hmmm...I'm pretty sure that the young man of a definite Generation Y species (a.k.a. "the punk") that arrogantly sauntered (he would have swaggered, but given that the waistband of his pants was somewhere south of his buttocks cheeks, he had to settle for sauntering) directly in front of our moving car one night last week, ascribes to the philosophy of meism. I'm not sure, though. Do you think it's a meist doctrine to stop in the middle of a busy street after nearly getting mowed down by an SUV and then chuck the bird at the now-unnerved driver? Because if it is, in the name of religious freedom, we will not accuse this young man of breaching Common Sense Courtesy. He can take his principles with him...right to his early grave.

And so I have but two Common Sense Courtesy rules to impart on this topic, but they are sound ones. Listen closely, for they may have a familiar ring, hearkening back to what your mother taught you as a six year old.

1. Look both ways before crossing the street.
2. Don't play in traffic.

Probably one of the easiset Common Sense Courtesy Principles to keep!

CSC at the CSO

Last night. Jeremy and I headed over to Cheesman Park to enjoy a free concert by the Colorado Symphony Orchestra. The night was warm and we found a spot in the shade of some trees. After positioning our chairs so we wouldn't block anyone else's view (common sense courtesy being our mantra, of course), we settled in to wait for the concert, chatting amiably with a couple seated on a blanket next to us.

As the time for the concert drew near, the park was really filling up and it was a festive atmosphere. People were chatting, meeting and greeting their neighbors, children ran all over the place--doing what children do when given the unfettered freedom to hoot, holler, jump and dance about. People brought picnic suppers and enjoyed them as the sun went behind the trees and the field was bathed in blissful coolness. I was enjoying the experience and was so glad we'd come. Until...

...the performance started. After the preliminary thank-yous and introductions were extended, the orchestra began to play the beautiful overture to Russian and Ludmilla. And the people in the audience, rather than being attentive and giving themselves the opportunity to be swept away by the music, simply kept talking. The wife from the congenial couple next to us began a running commentary about her latest trip to Nordstoms. The children continued to hoot and holler, and were given no admonishment by their parents to hush and be respectful. The adults continued their conversations while the orchestra played on.

I was appalled. I tried the dirty look, but that went unnoticed (odd, since I generally give a very effective dirty look; it still scares the bejesus out of my kids, and they are in their 20s!). In most situations, I would have no problem with politely asking the offending party to pipe down, but in this case, I'd have had to ask at least 50% of the attendees to mind their manners. In fact, when I glanced about, I saw that it was largely the audience members over 60 who were valiantly trying to absorb the music while looking askance at their blathering younger neighbors. I was embarrassed for my peers; is this what we've come to that only the elders among us show any respect?

Bear in mind that this was a free concert. The musicians were giving of their time willingly in order to advance the arts in our community and to present this opportunity for leisure and relaxation to city residents. Yet, how was it received? By rudeness and disrespect. The warm ovation given to them at the end did nothing to make up for the paltry manners exhibited during the performance.

Even I, who rarely gets confounded when I witness a lack of common sense courtesy, was stunned by the behavior of the audience. Some folks were even blabbing on their cell phones during the performance! What did they think made this acceptable? That it was a free concert? That it was held outdoors? That they are the center of the universe and no one else besides them matters? Ummmmm.....NOT!

Since there is but one Common Sense Courtesy Rule for performances of this nature, I'll phrase it in as many ways as possible so that all will comprehend. Shut your mouth, close your trap, zip your lips, button your pie hole, muzzle your mouth, dummy up, can the chat-chat, still your tongue, put a sock in it, keep still, hush up, be quiet, pipe down, stop talking. In short...SHADDUP!

I think you'll find that the things you will hear are amazingly beautiful!

Government Clerk Common Sense Courtesy (An Oxymoron?)

Yesterday, my husband and I had two very dissimilar experiences in dealing with, for lack of a better word, peon government clerks.

Having recently purchased a new car, I went off to the DMV to get it registered. Jeremy, for his part, went down to the Denver Parking Administration to see about getting a new on-street parking permit for our new car. Note: we found out that hard way that simply transferring the permit for our old car was not acceptable when our new car--complete with valid parking sticker (or so we thought) was ticketed. Apparently, one has to turn in the old sticker for a new sticker. And they wonder why we get so fed up with governmental red tape!

I'm delighted to say that my experience at the DMV was nearly pleasant--the only thing that marred it was the need to shell out $465 for the registration--but while that was expensive, I cannot say it was discourteous. Jeremy, however, did not fare so well, and was met by surly employees and a churlish supervisor in his simple quest to obtain a parking permit (to which we are entitled) in order to park on our street without getting ticketed.

Sigh....okay....I admit this might be a losing battle, for many bureaucratic clerks will simply never comprehend the necessity for Common Sense Courtesy. Plus, I don' think many of them know how to read anything save for their computer screens and the government forms that are mechanically placed before them hundreds of times per day. However, my experience at the DMV is proof positive that a dour countenance and irritable behavior are not necessarily the trademark of all government workers.

So, while in theory we can sympathize with the fact that these folks are little more than human robots, who are taught to follow the rules without question and have to ask their supervisor's permission to use the restroom when Mother Nature calls, in reality we'd rather not have the runoff from your lives of pathos and drudgery affect us.

Hence, Common Sense courtesy for government drones.

1. Please greet us with "Good Morning", "Good Afternoon" or "Hello" when we step up to your window. And no, bellowing "Next!!!" is not a greeting. It is a command.

2. Should you inadvertently forget Rule #1, then have the decency to respond to our "Hello" with more than a curt nod and an outstretched hand for our (and it better be completely filled out!) paperwork.

3. Bear in mind that the paperwork which you handle on a daily basis is unfamiliar to most of us. Registering cars, paying parking tickets, mailing packages, collecting unemployment benefits, seeking permits, getting a driver's license are usually not things we do routinely. Please refrain from sighing, eye-rolling and looking at us as though you can't believe what an idiot our mama gave birth to. A smile and a patient reply will undoubtedly get the point across clearly.

4. Try a little empathy. If someone is standing before your window, crouching to get their voice to project into the 3" hole in your bullet-proof Plexiglas, trying to tell you why their parking ticket might be in error, give them the courtesy of empathy even if you can't resolve their problem. If possible, kindly refer them to someone who can. Yes, we know there are a million sad stories in the big city and you have to sit through all of them, but that is your chosen profession. To these folks, their distress is real. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

5. As hard as it is for you to realize, these people before you are your customers. They pay your salary. Consider how you'd treat them if it was your own business at which you were working. I know that's a stretch for a cubicle-dwelling, 9-to-5:30-with-a 30-minute-lunch-break worker to comprehend, but give it a shot. How would you treat the person at your window if pissing them off would make them take their business (and your livelihood) elsewhere?

6. If you must abandon your work station while helping a customer, please let us know the reason. When you heft your considerable girth off your stool (understandable since you do work at a sedentary job and let's face it, a Little Debbie or two goes a long way in assuaging the stress after eight hours of working with the public) and amble off, we have no idea if you've gone to the printer, for a cigarette, or to seek assistance in helping us resolve our dilemma.

7. Answering the phone while you are waiting on someone at your window who was there first is rude--especially when said person at your window has more than likely waited a considerable amount of time clutching his or her number and anxiously watching as the ticker counts upward to his turn. All for the pleasure of talking to you!. If you are required to answer the phone, please politely tell the person on the other end that you are waiting on a customer in person and will place them on hold until that person's business is transacted. The, go back to your phone before calling the next person.

8. And as you greeted your customer pleasantly, so must you close your business with equal affability. A "good-bye" and a "have a nice day" (said without sarcasm, please) will make both you and them feel good.

And for your supervisors and managers, Common Sense Courtesy demands that you set the example by treating both customers and workers with dignity and respect. How about rewarding courtesy among your staff? Now, there's a concept!

Am I Missing Something?

When took upon myself the mission to abolish nonsensical discourtesy from the face of the earth, I thought I fully understood that commons sense is indeed not so common. I expected that I would be calm and understanding when presented with various lacks of courtesy. I envisioned myself as a martyr for the cause, generating courtesy miracles as I went about my work. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do," I would murmur as I graciously proclaimed my wisdom to the masses.

But upon deeper reflection, I have to admit that I was foolishly expecting a minimal standard of common sense from the majority of my fellow human beings. This is folly. Rubbish. Poppycock. Let's face it--some people are just pigs. And while you may feel that last statement was somewhat discourteous indeed, I think you will change your tune when you hear my tale.

When I am out on my A.M. meditative perambulation, I encounter many like-minded souls who are enjoying the early morning air--walking their dogs, stretching their legs, jogging, bicycling, roller blading, etc. Whether or not we acknowledge each other's acquaintance, as we pass, I enjoy the camaraderie of like-minded individuals with whom I comingle on a daily basis.

Today, about 30 minutes into my pleasant summer morning walk, I encountered a bicyclist coming toward me. As he approached, he smiled broadly at me and I returned the favor by offering him a view of my own pearly whites. A millisecond later however, my favor turned to displeasure (well, it was more like a gross-out than mere displeasure) when my delicate ears were assailed by the sound of a deep rumbling in his throat, followed by a sharp intake of breath which indicated only one outcome. Sure enough, he hacked up a loogie of epic proportions and proceeded to expel it onto the sidewalk approximately 10 feet from where I stood, the smile quickly disappearing from my face.

The offensive bicyclist proceeded to pedal along his merry way, oblivious to the tumult he had just instilled in my stomach.

Now, one would think that it would not be necessary to educate people on the discourtesy of spitting in public, but apparently one would be grossly mistaken to embrace this point of view. My father, bless his soul, was one of the most fastidious people I ever met. A dapper dresser, tall and handsome even into his 70's, he prided himself on being courteous to others.

However, everyone has their foibles and my father was no exception. A devout Catholic, Dad never missed a Sunday mass. He had, however, one peculiar (and gross) habit. After parking the car, as he was walking toward the church stairs, he'd pause to blow his nose (ever mindful of being disruptive to the service with his honking). Then, after neatly folding his handkerchief, and oblivious to his fellow parishioners entering the church, he would snort and immediately spew a load of phlegm onto the curb. Then he'd piously climb the church steps with nary a thought to the sputum he'd left behind.

This behavior was so engrained in my mind, that as I child, I think I simply accepted it as part of his Sunday morning Catholic ritual. (Catholics being big on rules and ritual and all that.) You know, no eating three hours before communion, don't let the host touch your teeth, genuflect before taking your seat, hurl a loogie before entering the house of God and so on. Even if I had thought to question the appropriateness of this behavior, I wouldn't have had the courage to mention it anyway as Dad was also from the school of children should be seen and not heard. And heaven forbid if you were "heard" during church. The consequences were unthinkable.

So it seems that even among the most particular of people, lapses in common sense courtesy can occur.

And in one last ditch attempt on the part of the Universe to get me to elucidate on the perils of public spittage, as I headed home on my walk this morning, beginning to recover from my disgust at the errant bicyclist, I encountered a snuggling couple perched on a low wall abutting the sidewalk. As I walked toward them, they parted from their embrace, at which point the gal turned her head away from her beloved (how gracious!) and with a sharp intake of nasally, throaty breath that could be heard six blocks away, brought up an impressive mucus projectile that she expertly spat through her front teeth and onto the pavement below.

And her companion? As I once again fought valiantly to hang on to my breakfast, he looked at her with adoration and gleefully proclaimed with admiration, "Wow...that was NASTY!!! Good one!"

Did I miss a memo? Since when did public spitting become not only tolerated, but encouraged?

Thank goodness I am here to set the truth in stone. Clearly the world needs me more than I thought.

There is only one rule for spitting, so here it is. Do it in private or don't do it at all. And by "private" I mean not in a public place--even if there is no one else around.

And if my plea doesn’t sway the spitters out there, then consider the health hazards of public spitting. And if that doesn't sway you, then you might find it interesting to note that your city or town might very well have an ordinance against public expectoration. Consider the following....is this from your home town? Hmmmm....maybe you should assume it is!

1733.01 SPITTING IN PUBLIC PLACES PROHIBITED.

No person shall spit upon the sidewalk of any street, alley or other public place, or

upon the floor, walls or seats of any room, hall, office or other part of any tenement, hotel or

lodging place, which is used in common by the guests or inmates thereof, or upon the floor,

walls or other part of any store, theater or other building or room which is used in common by

the public.

(1969 Code Sec. 833.01)

1733.02 SPITTING IN PUBLIC CONVEYANCES PROHIBITED.

No person shall spit upon the floor, seats, walls or other part of any public

conveyance.

(1969 Code Sec. 833.02)