Cubicle-Dwellers Etiquette

My friend and colleague, Dixie Darr, let me know that this is National Business Etiquette Week. Since I'd never heard of this week long extravaganza 'o fun for corporate America, I decided to do some research.

Turns out it's a real snoozer. It's only been around since 2006 and it's sponsored by some place calling itself The Protocol School of Washington. It seems to focus heavily on teaching American workers how to interact appropriately with clients from other cultures. What kinds of classes do you suppose make up their curriculum? Handshaking 101? The art of eating with chopsticks? How to Dine like a Diplomat? Don't laugh! They actually have a pamphlet with this title! Or how about, "How to Step Foot in a Foreign Country without Putting your Foot in your Mouth"?

We're more about day to day courtesy than we about about international etiquette, so I thought I'd take this opportunity to educate (or perhaps gently remind) my readers about everyday office courtesy. In particular, I'm going to concentrate on common sense courtesy for the everyday cubicle-dweller.

Now, if you are forced to spend eight or nine hours a day surrounded by three-quarter beige walls made of compressed cardboard and string, then you have our deepest sympathies. However, you will do the Universe and your fellow pod-dwellers a world of good if you simply follow some common sense rules of courtesy. And if you already follow these, then you have my blessing to anonymously (but courteously!) circulate them from cubicle to cubicle.

So, in no particular order, here are some common sense rules to make your daily communal workspace more palatable.

1. If you remember nothing else of this list, let it be these two words. Smell travels. Therefore, don't wear copious amounts of perfume/aftershave to the office, spray your hairspray at your desk, or use one of those obnoxious Glade plug-in scents. And on the days that you do eat at you desk, omit the smothered burrito complete with onions, jalapenos and refried beans. If you must dine on such cuisine (we'll discuss common sense courtesies for your stomach in another post), then head to the staff lunchroom or better yet, dine al fresco.

2. As smell travels, so does sound. When you're on the phone, speak in a well-modulated tone sufficiently loud enough for the person on the other end to hear, but not at a decibel that will be heard by your coworker 10 cubbies over (and will deafen the ears of the poor guy unfortunate enough to toil in the cubicle adjacent to yours.)

3. Lose the radio tunes. Or use a pair of high quality headphones if you must jive to the beat while you're working. Imagine the cacophony if everyone played their own separate tune aloud? It gives, marching to the beat of a different drummer an entirely different meaning! Can you even picture your rap tunes competing with Ruth's jazz, Rich's country western and Mary's classical tastes? Throw in Sue's affinity for Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree and, as my mother used to say, "someone's is going to end up crying!"

4. Just because your fellow worker bees have no doors, does not mean they have an open-door policy. Simply standing up and yelling "Yo" over the maze is not the appropriate (or courteous) way to have a worker-to-worker interface. Get up off your butt (it's good exercise...maybe the only chance you have to move all day) and walk over to the person's doorway. Knock before entering. Well, as best as you can knock on compressed string.

5. It's bad enough that you all have to be privy to each other's work phone conversations, so leave your lengthy personal phone conversations for your break. Also, the common concept of "work" is that you're actually doing some. A quick "Hi Honey, I'm leaving the office. Anything you want me to pick up?" is fine, but a 30 minute tirade with your husband about his boorish behavior at last night's party is TMI! it also will do nothing to enhance your chance for promotion (a.k.a. your one-way ticket out of Cubbyville!).

Communal activities are always tricky, be they living, working, or your annual family reunion. Throw in the fact that many of your co-workers (perhaps even you) may be less than thrilled about their current job situation, and working daily in an open space 6' square cubby with numerous others could become a most volatile situation. Remembering that your actions affect the others in your workplace will go a long way in making life bearable.

And if not, you could always change jobs. Who knows? Maybe you'll become a corporate world traveler and an expert on the art of the business lunch in Botswana!